Pornography isn’t easy to talk about. For several years I’ve been focused on helping parents face the tech invasion of pornography, addicting video games and some threats from social media.
I’ve been frustrated as I look for resources because too many are extreme. One group of parents is focused on eliminating the threat of technology by sheltering kids or through investing heavily in technology to protect kids from technology. The second isn’t doing much because they either think their kids aren’t under threat or they minimize the damage that pornography can do to their kids.
A friend introduced me to Matt Dobschuetz’s podcast pornfreeradio.com about a year ago and I’ve learned so much from him. He is focused on active recovery and discovering life and love on the other side of the dark place pornography takes people to. He shares weekly about tactical things to recover from addiction to pornography.
A key for Matt is that he works with people who reach the point that they “want to quit looking at porn.” His audience is made up of men and women, young and old, christian and secular but they share one thing in common, they want to “quit looking at porn.”
As parents one of the things that we’d like is if our kids never actually start looking at porn. The second problem we face is that once they start looking at porn, how do we help them get to the point that they want to quit.
The next two episodes of our podcast feature Matt and our goal is explore how parents can help raise kids that are porn free.
The first episode will feature Matt’s story as well as explore some of the bigger picture items that make pornography so enticing.
In Part 2, Matt will share tools for helping your kids.
Listen HERE or subscribe:
Here are some notes from my highlights during the first part of our conversation.
“This will actually serve a purpose that God will use this to free others” Matt’s addiction took him to a very isolated and fearful place. Now he is making very public and personal impact on many people. He has used his vulnerability and discomfort to bring hope to thousands. This point is really important to me because it documents that the validity of John 8:32, “The truth will set you free.” For those of you that fear the truth, Matt’s story is an example of the power of being known and still being loved and making an huge impact.
A key lie that Matt works to combat is the, “Lie that you are unlovable.”
Matt shares a concept called “friction.” This is a key concept in understanding why electronic pornography is so difficult to resist. The Internet has removed the friction in accessing pornography. Matt shares that we no longer have, “need for money, have go to a certain place, ask the clerk to buy. There are no longer a number of places where you could chicken out. In the past you needed to be addicted to push through the friction to use porn but now there really is no friction.”
Key teaching is using tools, strategy, mindset and do whatever you can do add friction between porn and us.
Question to ask based on kids behavior
These are areas that Matt suggests we watch to give signs whether addictive behaviors are affecting our kids.
- Over dependence on Devices
- Lack of balance – Do they enjoy a lot of different activities
For parents that are also struggling with pornography, Matt has several resources available:
- Porn Free Radio
- Podcast – pornfreeradio.com iTunes (Get started with episode “Go Porn Free in 2016”)
- “Your Porn Free Playbook” – 5 day course
- One-on-one coaching
- Kisten Jensen