It rained this weekend. Not surprising because I live in the Portland area, but my girls were disappointed because they had planned on biking. Since we couldn’t do that, we decided to put together my LEGO police station. This was one of my favorite sets from when I was a kid and includes not only the police station with jail but also a car, motorcycle, and helicopter. It’s great because it has a payphone which I think is the first my girls have ever seen.
So, we are sitting on the floor putting together this set and things are a bit confusing because the directions sheet is a two-sided paper. There aren’t any words – just pictures – and each picture is a bit different than the last. The way to build is to figure out what is different and not move to the next step until the LEGO in front of you looks like the one in the picture.
My girls were doing great except for one major LEGO blunder. The Lego pieces they were working on would face any direction they fancied and rarely lined up with the one in the directions. This doesn’t sound like too big of a deal but it meant they were putting things on the wrong end. Steering wheels faced the wrong way and pieces wouldn’t fit right.
I finally convinced them that the easiest way to build was to keep the LEGOs lined up with the picture. Once they realized that was easier, faster, and more fun, they just started to line things first and then build.
It takes discipline to line things up before building. I’m optimistic and so I assume that things will go well and I just start building rather than getting perspective and a plan. For me, I don’t make mistakes with LEGOs but rather IKEA furniture and making curry. I tend to rush ahead and only go to the plans and get perspective when parts are missing and I’m forcing pieces together.
Keeping the right perspective isn’t easy but it really is key in all that we do, especially as parents. When perspective for parents is off, we make short-term decisions, work on the wrong things, and tend to confuse our kids.
I think Simon Sinek has it right when he suggests that we “Start With Why.” He argues that if you don’t know your “why”, then you have no business focusing on “what” or “how,” which is where most of us start. He teaches a simple concept called the “Celery Test” which requires a story to understand.
Imagine being told by a bunch of people what you need to be successful. One person says M&Ms, another touts the virtue of bacon, your third friend only eats cake, a fourth says only almond milk, and a fifth insists on celery. Because you want to be successful you go to the supermarket and buy all five items. People look at your cart and can’t future out what you’re making or what you’re about. You end up not really hitting any goal because you aren’t sure why you have all these things.
You end up not being successful because you are focusing on a bunch of “whats” and “hows” but don’t know why. If you have a clear “why”, the decision becomes much easier. For example, if you have a “why” that says, “If I have a choice, choose healthy because I want my body to work well” then you’d end up with celery and maybe almond milk in your cart. You’d eliminate personal confusion as well as confusion for other people. It would be more likely that someone would ask you for advice about health because you clearly are focused on healthy things.
I know this seems a bit weird, but the Celery Test can work for you as a parent because if you have a strong why then it is much easier to know whether your decisions line up with your “why.”
Why am I doing this?
What do I expect to happen because of doing it?
What will happen if I don’t do anything?
Just because you have perspective doesn’t mean you are done building. You still need to follow directions and build but the good news is that your building will be easier and it will be more likely that you end up with a product you can be proud of.
Question: How do you maintain your perspective when working with your kids?
Posted: June 4, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Worked Up Over the Wrong Things
I’m a bit worried that you won’t finish today’s blog entry because I’m sending you on a kind of Internet scavenger hunt. I could give you all the details here, but I think you are best off just taking a few minutes reading where I send you, and I hope you eventually make it back to the blog so you can see how all these things come together.
I recently came across the story about the 21 Valedictorians at South Medford High school. If you haven’t already, read it really quickly and then come back.
(Before we launch too far into this blog a bit of disclosure. Until writing this, I thought that the word “valedictorians” had two Vs in it.)
My first reaction was to feel a bit incredulous and launch into my prepared thoughts on the “trophy generation” followed by my clever mocking based on grade inflation and hovering parents. However, my rant misses two important points:
Contrary to public opinion, getting a 4.0 isn’t easy. I’ve never personally tried but I know quite a few sharp kids who work hard and don’t have a 4.0 GPA. Doing it for four years in the midst of hormones, peer pressure, and high school drama is a feat that deserves celebrating. Instead, adults are diminishing these kids’ accomplishments and treating them as cheaters.
Every day 8,300 teens drop out of school. You can read the statistics on all of that here. I don’t know much about South Medford High except I once lived in Medford and those kids aren’t too different from the rest of the U.S. My guess is that this school needs to be encouraged in the things they are doing well (yes, for 21 valedictorians) and help in the area of their biggest challenges.
South Medford isn’t alone. There is a school in your area that needs to be celebrated and encouraged. During a recent webcast, I heard Kevin Palau tell the story about how the Louis Palau association decided to serve neighborhood schools, not just in money and advice but in meeting their real needs. He shared about how they mobilized local churches to help foster kids by helping and thanking DHS staff and facilities.
One of the things that Satan wants us to be is jaded and cynical. To poke holes rather than mend. The result is a whole generation of kids is at risk because we are focused on the wrong things and are not getting involved in the right things.
I encourage you today to consider what Kevin Palau and others have decided to do in the face of the challenges around them: Don’t just talk about what to do – get involved. I can guarantee that as you serve God’s kids, you will see Him revealed in a way you never thought possible.
Posted: May 30, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Don’t Rain on Their Parade
I was a bit of a grump when I got home last night. I hadn’t gotten the things completed that needed to be done and I had a lot going through my mind. To say I was there but absent would be an understatement. Since Kelly was at a meeting, I made a quick supper while the girls set the table. I was still in the mode of getting things done and was being a bit barky.
We had been sitting at the table about 20 minutes longer than I wanted when one of my girls started telling me about a cat cartoon she had seen several weeks ago. What she was telling me made no sense but as she told the story she and her sister started to laugh. They remembered the cat putting muddy footprints all through the house and her laughter just exploded. She was holding her stomach, tears running down her cheeks and her dimples were in full bloom. They both laughed and giggled and told the story when they could and were having a great time.
My problem: I didn’t feel like laughing. I just wanted to be done with the meal and getting things done. The good news is that for once, I didn’t let my mood win, I watched them laugh, and then I suddenly experienced joy and laughter. I still don’t know what they were laughing at but I was laughing because, in the midst of my stress and worry, there is laughter and joy.
I’m thankful that my mood didn’t win last night. I did need to get things done but I also didn’t need my whole family to be living in a cloud just because I was.
Last night it took a magical moment from my five-year-olds to break up the storm but I’d like to think that there are better ways to hit the reset button before I get home rather than after.
Here are a few ideas that I’ve found keep me from bringing the storm home from work. I’d also like to hear what you do to keep from bringing a storm home with you.
Spend the last 10 minutes at work preparing the next day. I have a hard time feeling settled when I dash out of the office without spending time reviewing and planning for the next day. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to review what you were able to do as well as review your next day and schedule your priorities. Peter Bergman in his book “18 Minutes” suggests that you end your day with the following questions:
Don’t be in office mode all the way home. Don’t use your commute time to work in the last phone calls and messages. This will reopen the door you just closed when you prepared for the next day. If you want to call people, make calls to friends and family to encourage them.
Turn off the news/talk radio on your way home. Use your commute as a time to refocus on your priorities for getting home. Yes, you need to accomplish a bunch of stuff at home too but what do you want your kids and spouse to remember about you. Are there ways of working with your kids to get things done? If you want to listen to something play some music or listen to something that inspires you. I typically listen to podcasts in my car and find that if I’m really grumpy that a few minutes of listening to Car Talk will bring me back to civil pretty quick.
Remember, it isn’t their fault. Finally, your kids and spouse don’t know what’s going on in your mind and they most likely aren’t going to be able to fix what is concerning you at work. They may be an easy target for venting but they are not an appropriate target. It isn’t their fault, so don’t make them pay for whatever it is. If you feel like you are still in a mood in which you are going to say or do regretful things, then let them know that you need a bit more time before you interact because you want to be safe. If you can, get some exercise, take a bath, read something inspiring, or in my case, listen to them laugh.
Question: What do you do to make sure your mood doesn’t rain on their parade?
Posted: May 28, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
The Celery Test
It rained this weekend. Not surprising because I live in the Portland area, but my girls were disappointed because they had planned on biking. Since we couldn’t do that, we decided to put together my LEGO police station. This was one of my favorite sets from when I was a kid and includes not only the police station with jail but also a car, motorcycle, and helicopter. It’s great because it has a payphone which I think is the first my girls have ever seen.
So, we are sitting on the floor putting together this set and things are a bit confusing because the directions sheet is a two-sided paper. There aren’t any words – just pictures – and each picture is a bit different than the last. The way to build is to figure out what is different and not move to the next step until the LEGO in front of you looks like the one in the picture.
My girls were doing great except for one major LEGO blunder. The Lego pieces they were working on would face any direction they fancied and rarely lined up with the one in the directions. This doesn’t sound like too big of a deal but it meant they were putting things on the wrong end. Steering wheels faced the wrong way and pieces wouldn’t fit right.
I finally convinced them that the easiest way to build was to keep the LEGOs lined up with the picture. Once they realized that was easier, faster, and more fun, they just started to line things first and then build.
It takes discipline to line things up before building. I’m optimistic and so I assume that things will go well and I just start building rather than getting perspective and a plan. For me, I don’t make mistakes with LEGOs but rather IKEA furniture and making curry. I tend to rush ahead and only go to the plans and get perspective when parts are missing and I’m forcing pieces together.
Keeping the right perspective isn’t easy but it really is key in all that we do, especially as parents. When perspective for parents is off, we make short-term decisions, work on the wrong things, and tend to confuse our kids.
I think Simon Sinek has it right when he suggests that we “Start With Why.” He argues that if you don’t know your “why”, then you have no business focusing on “what” or “how,” which is where most of us start. He teaches a simple concept called the “Celery Test” which requires a story to understand.
Imagine being told by a bunch of people what you need to be successful. One person says M&Ms, another touts the virtue of bacon, your third friend only eats cake, a fourth says only almond milk, and a fifth insists on celery. Because you want to be successful you go to the supermarket and buy all five items. People look at your cart and can’t future out what you’re making or what you’re about. You end up not really hitting any goal because you aren’t sure why you have all these things.
You end up not being successful because you are focusing on a bunch of “whats” and “hows” but don’t know why. If you have a clear “why”, the decision becomes much easier. For example, if you have a “why” that says, “If I have a choice, choose healthy because I want my body to work well” then you’d end up with celery and maybe almond milk in your cart. You’d eliminate personal confusion as well as confusion for other people. It would be more likely that someone would ask you for advice about health because you clearly are focused on healthy things.
I know this seems a bit weird, but the Celery Test can work for you as a parent because if you have a strong why then it is much easier to know whether your decisions line up with your “why.”
Why am I doing this?
What do I expect to happen because of doing it?
What will happen if I don’t do anything?
Just because you have perspective doesn’t mean you are done building. You still need to follow directions and build but the good news is that your building will be easier and it will be more likely that you end up with a product you can be proud of.
Question: How do you maintain your perspective when working with your kids?